Sunday 7 August 2016

Get High On Friendship, Fellas.


O’ My Friend, I take you to be my Partner in Crime, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part.

This is to my friend who made me eat raw dough to prove my love for her and I slapped her so hard when she said she wanted to cry for no reason. This is to my friend whom I was so scared to lose 
to depression because her boyfriend had cheated on her. This is to my friend who feels so near even from miles away. This is to all of you who have always been a high point of my life no matter how low I felt. Friendship is the only relationship in which you don’t mind to walk down the memory lane every time you meet. It is that amorous partnership where your emotions are not subject to market risks. From sharing the same dates of periods to enjoying sasti Wine and mehngi Mars, from smoking to going on road trips, from jugaad to jugalbandi, from parental interference to individual preference and through a great deal of emotional meltdowns, we have come a long way in our friendship. Cheers to that.

I often wonder about the power of choice in friendship. When you are small your parents choose friends for you. At least, they play an inevitable role in selecting a brigade for your friend zone. But the real power of choice comes when you venture into the outside world, surrounded by familiar faces, strangers and like-minded people and amidst all this you discover your fondness for the geeky girl, bearded bisexual and jaunty joker, and realize that age, gender, caste and religion do not stand a chance here. You learn that your ideologies are poles apart but you never let go of each other because there is something between you which no one understands the way you do. My first few encounters with my best friend were not at all pleasant. I would ask her to park my Kinetic Pride and won’t even thank her. I would tease her for reasons unknown and leave her dangling on the backseat of my two-wheeler while a cow attacked from the front. She was this naive girl who would cry for a broken bench in the classroom or if I had loose motion. I didn’t realize when I started caring and fell unconditionally in love with her. It’s been more than 16 years of our friendship and we know that we have chosen each other for the rest of our lives.

Have you ever wondered how parents sometimes become insecure of our friends? Parents are one’s best friends too but you know sometimes it becomes difficult for them to see our inseparability for friends whom we call our extended family. They unwillingly convince themselves that maybe that’s the way of socializing. But what I would like to tell them is that no, it’s not merely a way of socializing. It’s a way of unmasking the myriad shades of our personality. It’s about keeping alive the most irresistible, racy and romantic side of our life. It’s about re-living the crazy memories over crispy bangda fry and discussing the future with the blessings of Buddha Baba aka Old Monk as my friends call it.

Well, things change drastically when one gets married. I used to think that marriage is the biggest road block in friendship but thank heavens I was wrong. All my friends are married, living in different states and countries. Our chitchat on Whatsapp or video call on FaceTime and Skype always end with an unwavering hope to find each other again. Our buh-byes get prolonged and eyes fill up with a strong desire to spend time with each other, maybe visit our adda, share love, laughter and dreams and make every moment One-By-Two. I miss my pals and often get lost in those days but I also acknowledge that I have met some amazing people who are essentially my husband’s friends. It took me five long years to call them Mine and when I did, all their good times and tough times became mine. They are weird, funny, foodie and rollicking. They are storytellers, go-getters, Netflix bingers and travel lovers. We feel at ease with each other. I believe sustenance in friendship is a long process. And a gratifying one! The world of friendship has given us concepts like bromance, womance, soul sisters, brotherhood, sisterhood and BOGO’s. However, I don’t identify with them because I don’t like the idea of narrowing down on the different aspects of friendship within friendship. But of course, one needs such concepts sometimes to express the state of their relationship in a better way.

The best part is that we don’t need 101 reasons to celebrate with friends. I have a phrase for it, ‘milne ka toh bas humein bahana chahiye’ (We can make up number of excuses to catch up with each other). Birthdays are indeed an exceptional affair but we don’t necessarily wait for it or anniversaries or promotion or anything for that matter when it comes to getting together. We catch up to mourn over the beef ban or wait until midnight to enjoy prawns and beer on the last day of Shravan month. We can go on and on about Messi’s retirement from international football or keep the ball rolling as our hostel life unfolds in front of us. Sometimes, we quietly listen to the swinging chords of Country music and sometimes we join in the chorus of ‘Alif Allah Chambey Di Booty’. The only problem in this relationship is that you will not remember how many tequila shots you had. But you will never forget who ate that Seekh Kebab from your plate!


Friendship also has its crisis, fears, failures and helpless moments. It has wounds which even time cannot heal. We ought to respect each other’s space in tough times. It’s good if it works out or we should leave it where it is. We are protective of our friends but we are even more protective of the choices we make, which sometimes define the course of our relationship. The biggest helplessness is that sometimes we cannot be with friends when they need us the most. It still haunts me that I was not there to tightly hug my friend when she had lost her father only days before her wedding. Another friend is getting separated from her husband as I write this. I remember a late night call for my husband that one of his friends had died of a heart attack. My only memory of him was of sitting on a chair opposite in everybody’s favourite restaurant Gajalee, where I was eating egg masala and rice while he was relishing his seafood and chilled beer.  Over the years, we have lost a few friends but we have made most out of our precious moments together. This relationship is like nirvana, for me at least. So, cheers to the infinite charm of friendship! 

Friday 17 June 2016

Main Aur Mere #Ghaspus Aksar Yeh Baatein Karte Hain



Main aur mere #ghaspus aksar yeh baatein karte hain

…ke log tangdi, beef chilly aur seekh kebab kaise kha lete hain

Main aur mere #ghaspus hairan hain yeh sochkar

…ke log breast, bheja aur leg piece kaise pehchan lete hain


Dost bulate hain mujhe dawat khane

Mehfil jamti hai, bismillah hota hai

Sabke chehro per ‘oongliyan-chatnewali’ khushi hoti hain

Lekin meri plate mein baat Paneer tikka pe aakar ruk jaati hai (I hate Paneer)

Iftar wali selfie mein, meri hi photo udaas aati hai

Main aur mere #ghaspus pet pe haath ghumate huye sochte hain

…ke chalo phirni jalebi kha kar hi jee bhar lete hain


Kehne ko bahut kuch hai, magar kisse kahen hum

Kab tak yoonhi gobi manchurian aur dal khichdi khaye hum

Kyoon dil mein sulagte rahe, logon ko bata de

Ke haan… Harpal Singh Sokhi jab chicken biryani banate hain

Toh muh mein paani (in fact flood) aata hai, paani aata hai, paani aata hai


Main aur mere #ghaspus aksar yeh baatein karte hain (Repeat mode pe)


Thursday 16 June 2016

Meri Lahoreiyat


Yeh sukoon bhi hai, junoon bhi hai

Ek aadat bhi hai, ibadat bhi hai

Mere andar bhi hai

Mere bahar bhi hai

Mita do chahe sar zameen

Saare ghar, vatan aur gul gulashan

Meri Lahoreiyat kaise mitaoge?!


Isme oogta hoon, isime doobta hoon

Nanhe-munne chehro par, main roz khushi se khilta hoon

Tere Jihad ki laptein mujhe nah daraye

Lahore hai mere daaye baaye

Chhalka do Chenab khoon se

Ya raakh kardo jahaan

Chheenn lo masoomiyat

Chahe mita hi do insaniyat

Meri Lahoreiyat kaise mitaoge?!


Nafrat ke shor mein bhi gunjati hai mohabbat ki vaadi

Agar yeh khel hai toh ab mere Lahore ki baari

Naazuk hai halaat magar iraadein mazboot

Lakhon duaon ke beech mera Lahore hai mehfooz

Chahe jala do makaan, sab yaadein aur tasveerien

Chahe mita do kone kone mein basi saans ki lehrein

Meri Lahoreiyat kaise mitaoge?!


...Meri Lahoreiyat mita nahin paoge.


Tuesday 14 June 2016

The Silence of the Womb


Today, I am clinging to my babyjaan out of fear. Fear of life's biggest farce known as Death. The rhythmic beating of her heart comforts me. I am no more bothered about taking a mother-daughter selfie.  I want to behold her precious smile forever; I am so scared even in my imagination of losing her out of my sight. There is so much to do and share that an entire lifetime is not enough and I strive to give my best to her- time, love, protection, education, fun and everything. I promise myself to acknowledge and cherish every moment that we have together IN THIS LIFE.

In the morning, I got informed that my cousin and his wife had lost their first newborn. After a while, I found a numbing courage to say, 'be strong'. I hate the hard-hitting irony of these two words. I don't know how I will offer my condolences to them. I have often found myself making moral and emotional fumbles in situations like these.  I don't make eye contact with people who have lost their loved one(s). I hug them but quickly pull back before I jump into the abyss of their eyes. Simply, because I am scared! My mother says that I lack conviction to accept the natural order of life, I sulk for ages at events which are beyond human control and also, instead of offering prayers I launch war against the God.

No, I don't fight with the God but he does seem distant and indifferent when a life is lost. You must have seen how a family gets supercharged to welcome a newborn. Many of you must have felt the kicks and heard the heartbeats inside your body. You must have seen how your body prepares itself to give birth to a new life. What disturbs me most is the preparation for life which walks hand in hand with the randomness of death. Unfortunately, a mother's body only knows the preparation part hence, it does not compensate for the loss. She lactates, her breasts get full and she longs for the baby who is no more. She mourns for the silence of her womb. Ultimately, she accepts the reality and turns the leaf to write a new chapter of life.

My husband allows me to weep on his chest and as our breathing becomes almost one, I utter my decision of never bearing a (second) child again. He does not tell me to be strong; rather he caresses me to be at peace within. I am quiet but there is no peace. I accept my fear and vulnerability. I ask myself in turbulence, "why do we never give up on life!?" I am not talking about suicide, failure, never-ending struggles, samadhi and euthanasia, and at times when we fashionably say that I have achieved everything. I can rest in peace now. No, I am not talking about giving up on life like that. In DEVDUTT PATTANAIK'S My Gita Chapter 8, he talks about fear as a critical emotion which is essential in the struggle for life. Fear is a neuro-biological fact. It is the first emotion that manifests with the arrival of life. He says, "Fear of dying creates the restless urge to undertake extra efforts to find a mate, reproduce and risk death to raise an offspring, so that at least a part of the creature outlives death." But a mother whose womb is shattered and silenced and has lost the life, which once was breathing in her body, how do we bring her back to normalcy? How do we offer peace of mind to her? No amount of updesha, karmic gyaan and yoga can help her 100%. DEVDUTT'S theme on fear stands true in this case from a patriarchal point of view. The cycle of birth and death is necessary to restore balance on earth and to create generation(s). The womb does acknowledge that 'a life lost can be replaced by a life born'. It can fill the silence of the womb with a pulse of hope. But it is too frightened to be the source of life again and this is a never-ending dilemma of the womb.

Aao Khele Ishq-E-Baazi Baar Baar


Aao khele ishq-e-baazi baar baar

Manaye teri jeet meri haar

Raat khatm nah ho

Ahsason ka bichhane do taash

Patto mein chhipe hain kai raaz

Unhe kardo Aazad

Aao khele ishq-e-baazi baar baar

Manaye teri jeet meri haar


Saanso ki jugalbandi se

Chhedo Khamaj  

Tum mujhe, main tumhe aazmaon

Sharm-o-haya ko baksh do aaj

Jaane kis mod per palat jaaye baazi

Patte bikhre aur hum ho zaar zaar

Aao khele ishq-e-baazi baar baar

Manaye teri jeet meri haar


Monday 25 April 2016

Nek Iraadonwali Sham

Aaya hoon lekar nek iraadonwali sham
Dhalte aftab ki ranaiyaan meri jaan tere naam

Jo lamhe ghar ko lautna chahe unhe jaane do
Jeene ke liye dau pal kya kum hai
Hazaar hasratein kyoon nah baki reh jaaye
Muradonwali ek mulaqat kya kum hai

Aaya hoon lekar bina bandishonwali sham
Chenab mein utre wuh dilkash nazarein meri jaan tere naam

Ishq ka eid al-fitr maano aaj hi hai
Chaand ke sirhane baithkar karenge daawat-e-mohabbat
Nah sajde mein sar jhuke nah parde mein surat dhanke
Milon ki doori tai kar paas aa jayenge saare jazbaat

Aaya hoon lekar beinteha pyaarwali sham
Dil se nikli har dua meri jaan tere naam

Tuesday 9 February 2016

MAMA MIA… YEH KYA HO GAYA! The Adventures of Motherhood



The other day I sat down to track photographs and activities on my Instagram account and holy cow!!! There were pictures of our baby from birth to growing into a toddler, from pooping to clay modeling and dancing to sleeping, and what not! There were many pictures of the baby and hardly a few of me and my man. That’s when I realized that I’ve been tripping over mamarazzi since the baby’s arrival in our life. You know life is full of contradictions. We wanted a baby so we planned for one and we are very happy, indeed. But at times when the baby troubles me left, right and center, I curse my husband’s sperms for making me pregnant. Oh and then the decision to quit my full-time writing career to undertake the adventures of motherhood. Trust me it’s a different ballgame altogether; tougher than THE HUNGER GAMES. 
(Confession: my gynecologist had warned my husband to never let me quit my job else I would make his life miserable).  

So, all the mamas and papas out there, read on and enjoy the adventure.  

#1. Breastfeeding: Mother’s milk is far richer and healthier than the Somras, believe me. The Devas and the Danavas would not have stolen nor fought for the Somras had they been well-fed on the amrit called Mother’s milk. You know the biggest and the weirdest thing is that even strangers can make out by looking at the fully loaded boobs that you are a breastfeeding woman and they stare you so hard that you wish your GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY were there to protect your ‘milky way’. And then there are these agony aunts who are by-default appointed to impart some gyaan on motherhood because they’ve been there and done that. 50% of their advice is based on some ancient taboo or superstition. Don’t feel offended but don’t give a damn about it too. The worst ever advice was given to me by none other than our maid servant, “didi, aadmi ke samne bacchi ko doodh mat pilao varna doodh aana band ho jayega (Sister, don’t breastfeed the baby in front of your husband else the milk-flow will stop).” And that my friends, is called a totally unsolicited bullshit. Anyway, the baby is off my milk now and the weaning was physically and emotionally draining. But she has developed her own concept about milk. She’d lift the tetrapack of Nestle A+ milk and ask, “isme mama ka dudu hai (Is there mama’s milk in it)?”

# 2. Have you done enough?: The whole universe gets after your life the moment your offspring pops out from your womb. From family, friends and relatives to well-wishers and strangers- they all keep bugging till you’ve accomplished the to-do list. By literally being at your baby’s command to finishing off the daily household chores, you are not allowed any breathing space till you’ve done enough. And just when you feel satisfied at the end of the day, your husband comes and strikes a final blow, sara din karti kya ho (What do you do the whole day)? I’d say, “Main kuch nahin karti. Kyun ke, Parachute karta hai na complete care, protect and repair (I simply chill because Parachute Advanced is there to take care of all your needs).” https://www.youtube.com/watchv=IgNIFbAbZf4  You know who is the biggest culprit of it all? It’s your own sense of guilt, which at times push you off the limit. Motherhood is all about endurance from week 1 of gestation till you breathe your last. Don’t fill it with guilt, rather do your best to give this world the human it needs. I have developed this unique camaraderie with my mommie and mother-in-law and deep respect for every mother in the world after becoming one. I apologize to my parents, especially to my Maa for being such a melodramatic child and a pain in the ass. (For the record, my man doesn’t care if the food is not ready and the house is decorated with my undies. Not because I have written ‘don’t mess with me’ on my forehead but because he understands the intricacy of parenting).

#3. The Ugly Truth: The baby bestows her love upon anybody who is quick to meet her demands and disregards those who say NO to her. “The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent”, says Sam Levenson. We all know what an incredible bond grand kids share with their grandparents! However, this bond needs some fine-tuning. While grandparents relive their childhood in the company of grand kids, I ask them to not just pamper the child but give him a dose of their wisdom (I call it a legacy) at regular intervals. Family members and relatives also need to beware of their growing excitement for the newborn as new mothers go through tremendous hormonal havoc and PPD (Post Partum Depression) after delivering the baby. Just how the mommie provides comfort and a sense of security to her child, she also needs it by being close to the baby. So, don’t snatch the newly hatched small wonder from her. Allow them both to recover from this rather sweet melancholy by being in each other’s warmth.

#4. Nightmares: It’s amazing to see how a tiny, human look-alike creature turns your world upside down. I have always liked my husband’s long, thick, black, noodle-like hairstyle but I asked him to cut it because the baby would often give him a suspicious look. “Help! My baby is drowning, she is in the middle of the road with fast moving traffic, somebody kidnapped my baby, she is alone in the dark, she is about to fall from a cliff, an alligator is gulping down my baby… Help!!!” Nightmares took a toll on me for nearly one year after delivery and still keep haunting like those stupid sequels and remakes of bollywood movies. I am sure most of the mothers can relate to this, maybe we share some common nightmares too. My father-in-law is a big fan of CRIME PATROL, a show on Sony TV that features heinous crimes that take place in India. He would often tell me to be very careful, get a camera fixed in the house and advise against travelling in public transport. He would make my mom-in-law describe any latest episode to make his point very clear to me. And all I say is No Objection, Milord! I am on ‘high alert’ since the day I have become a mother.

#5. Make Love, Not Babies: Two to three babies are a must. Your second offspring is a gift to your first child. Don’t have sex for three months to heal from the exhaustive birthing process. A 40-day stay at your mother’s house is mandatory. One thing that you are going to hear for the next sixty-seventy years of your life is, ‘do it for the sake of your children'. Who do you think will be responsible for our overall performance during the ICC T20 World Cup 2016? It’s your overwhelmed mothers and aunts and of course you, if you don’t take charge of your game, now! Their intention is as pure as pinni ke ladoo- laden with desi ghee and dry-fruits. And this is also the time when you need your mother the most. But you, my dear mommies, certainly have needs and longing to be with your husband who is your baby’s daddy too. Don’t just feed your body with maa ke haath ka khana. Rather provide the nourishment it needs- of love and intimacy from your partner. And don’t forget your BFF hormone Oxytocin, which might heal you faster than you think.

Motherhood is a classic example of ‘No Pain, No Gain’. For a mother, the whole world revolves around her kids. She is forever attached to her child through an invisible umbilical cord. And sometimes it becomes very difficult for her and the baby’s father to deal with this overwhelming phase of life. I am a very protective mama too, always on toes, doing something or the other for my daughter and never leaving her side no matter what. So while I celebrate my motherhood, I also acknowledge the fact that the father may not be physically present all the time. He may not appear as excited. His ways around the baby may seem harsh but he is like BATMAN- a silent guardian, a watchful protector who will always be there when the need arises.