O’
My Friend, I take you to be my Partner in Crime, to have and to hold from this
day forward; for better or for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and
in health; to love and to cherish from this day forward until death do us part.
This
is to my friend who made me eat raw dough to prove my love for her and I
slapped her so hard when she said she wanted to cry for no reason. This is to
my friend whom I was so scared to lose
to depression because her boyfriend had cheated
on her. This is to my friend who feels so near even from miles away. This is to
all of you who have always been a high point of my life no matter how low I
felt. Friendship is the only relationship in which you don’t mind to walk down
the memory lane every time you meet. It is that amorous partnership where your emotions
are not subject to market risks. From sharing the same dates of periods to enjoying
sasti Wine and mehngi Mars, from smoking to going on road trips, from jugaad to jugalbandi, from parental interference to individual preference and
through a great deal of emotional meltdowns, we have come a long way in our
friendship. Cheers to that.
I
often wonder about the power of choice in friendship. When you are small your
parents choose friends for you. At least, they play an inevitable role in
selecting a brigade for your friend zone. But the real power of choice comes
when you venture into the outside world, surrounded by familiar faces,
strangers and like-minded people and amidst all this you discover your fondness
for the geeky girl, bearded bisexual and jaunty joker, and realize that age,
gender, caste and religion do not stand a chance here. You learn that your ideologies are poles apart but you never let go of
each other because there is something between you which no one understands the
way you do. My first few encounters with my best friend were not at all
pleasant. I would ask her to park my Kinetic Pride and won’t even thank her. I would
tease her for reasons unknown and leave her dangling on the backseat of my two-wheeler
while a cow attacked from the front. She was this naive girl who would cry for a
broken bench in the classroom or if I had loose motion. I didn’t realize when I
started caring and fell unconditionally in love with her. It’s been more than
16 years of our friendship and we know that we have chosen each other for the
rest of our lives.
Have
you ever wondered how parents sometimes become insecure of our friends? Parents are one’s best friends too but you
know sometimes it becomes difficult for them to see our inseparability for friends
whom we call our extended family. They unwillingly convince themselves that
maybe that’s the way of socializing. But what I would like to tell them is that
no, it’s not merely a way of socializing. It’s a way of unmasking the myriad
shades of our personality. It’s about keeping alive the most irresistible, racy
and romantic side of our life. It’s about re-living the crazy memories over
crispy bangda fry and discussing the
future with the blessings of Buddha Baba
aka Old Monk as my friends call it.
Well,
things change drastically when one gets married. I used to think that marriage
is the biggest road block in friendship but thank heavens I was wrong. All my
friends are married, living in different states and countries. Our chitchat on Whatsapp
or video call on FaceTime and Skype always end with an unwavering hope to find each other again. Our buh-byes get
prolonged and eyes fill up with a strong desire to spend time with each other,
maybe visit our adda, share love,
laughter and dreams and make every moment One-By-Two. I miss my pals and often
get lost in those days but I also acknowledge that I have met some amazing
people who are essentially my husband’s friends. It took me five long years to
call them Mine and when I did, all
their good times and tough times became mine. They are weird, funny, foodie and
rollicking. They are storytellers, go-getters, Netflix bingers and travel
lovers. We feel at ease with each
other. I believe sustenance in friendship
is a long process. And a gratifying one! The world of friendship has given
us concepts like bromance, womance, soul sisters, brotherhood, sisterhood and
BOGO’s. However, I don’t identify with them because I don’t like the idea of
narrowing down on the different aspects of friendship within friendship. But of
course, one needs such concepts sometimes to express the state of their
relationship in a better way.
The
best part is that we don’t need 101 reasons to celebrate with friends. I have a
phrase for it, ‘milne ka toh bas humein
bahana chahiye’ (We can make up number of excuses to catch up with each
other). Birthdays are indeed an exceptional affair but we don’t necessarily
wait for it or anniversaries or promotion or anything for that matter when it
comes to getting together. We catch up to mourn over the beef ban or wait until
midnight to enjoy prawns and beer on the last day of Shravan month. We can go
on and on about Messi’s retirement from international football or keep the ball
rolling as our hostel life unfolds in front of us. Sometimes, we quietly listen
to the swinging chords of Country music and sometimes we join in the chorus of
‘Alif Allah Chambey Di Booty’. The only problem in this relationship is
that you will not remember how many tequila shots you had. But you will never
forget who ate that Seekh Kebab from your plate!
Friendship
also has its crisis, fears, failures and helpless moments. It has wounds which
even time cannot heal. We ought to respect each other’s space in tough times.
It’s good if it works out or we should leave it where it is. We are protective
of our friends but we are even more protective of the choices we make, which
sometimes define the course of our relationship. The biggest helplessness is that sometimes we cannot be with friends
when they need us the most. It still haunts me that I was not there to
tightly hug my friend when she had lost her father only days before her
wedding. Another friend is getting separated from her husband as I write this. I
remember a late night call for my husband that one of his friends had died of a
heart attack. My only memory of him was of sitting on a chair opposite in everybody’s
favourite restaurant Gajalee, where I was eating egg masala and rice while he was relishing his seafood and chilled beer.
Over the years, we have lost a few
friends but we have made most out of our precious moments together. This relationship
is like nirvana, for me at least. So, cheers to the infinite charm of friendship!
