The other day I sat
down to track photographs and activities on my Instagram account and holy
cow!!! There were pictures of our baby from birth to growing into a toddler, from
pooping to clay modeling and dancing to sleeping, and what not! There were many
pictures of the baby and hardly a few of me and my man. That’s when I realized
that I’ve been tripping over mamarazzi since the baby’s arrival in our life. You
know life is full of contradictions. We wanted a baby so we planned for one and
we are very happy, indeed. But at times when the baby troubles me left, right and center, I curse my husband’s sperms
for making me pregnant. Oh and then the decision to quit my full-time writing
career to undertake the adventures of motherhood. Trust me it’s a different
ballgame altogether; tougher than THE HUNGER GAMES.
(Confession: my
gynecologist had warned my husband to never let me quit my job else I would
make his life miserable).
So, all the mamas and
papas out there, read on and enjoy the adventure.
#1. Breastfeeding:
Mother’s milk is far richer and healthier than the Somras, believe me. The Devas and the Danavas would not have stolen
nor fought for the Somras had they
been well-fed on the amrit called Mother’s
milk. You know the biggest and the weirdest thing is that even strangers can
make out by looking at the fully loaded boobs that you are a breastfeeding
woman and they stare you so hard that you wish your GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY were
there to protect your ‘milky way’. And then there are these agony aunts who are
by-default appointed to impart some gyaan
on motherhood because they’ve been there and done that. 50% of their advice
is based on some ancient taboo or superstition. Don’t feel offended but don’t
give a damn about it too. The worst ever advice was given to me by none other
than our maid servant, “didi, aadmi ke
samne bacchi ko doodh mat pilao varna doodh aana band ho jayega (Sister,
don’t breastfeed the baby in front of your husband else the milk-flow will
stop).” And that my friends, is called a totally unsolicited bullshit. Anyway,
the baby is off my milk now and the weaning was physically and emotionally
draining. But she has developed her own concept about milk. She’d lift the
tetrapack of Nestle A+ milk and ask, “isme
mama ka dudu hai (Is there mama’s milk in it)?”
# 2. Have you done enough?: The whole universe gets after your life the moment
your offspring pops out from your womb. From family, friends and relatives to
well-wishers and strangers- they all keep bugging till you’ve accomplished the
to-do list. By literally being at your baby’s command to finishing off the
daily household chores, you are not allowed any breathing space till you’ve
done enough. And just when you feel satisfied at the end of the day, your
husband comes and strikes a final blow, sara
din karti kya ho (What do you do the whole day)? I’d say, “Main kuch nahin karti. Kyun ke, Parachute
karta hai na complete care, protect and repair (I simply chill because
Parachute Advanced is there to take care of all your needs).” https://www.youtube.com/watchv=IgNIFbAbZf4 You know who is the biggest culprit of it all?
It’s your own sense of guilt, which at times push you off the limit. Motherhood
is all about endurance from week 1 of gestation till you breathe your last.
Don’t fill it with guilt, rather do your best to give this world the human it
needs. I have developed this unique camaraderie with my mommie and
mother-in-law and deep respect for every mother in the world after becoming
one. I apologize to my parents, especially to my Maa for being such a
melodramatic child and a pain in the ass. (For the record, my man doesn’t care
if the food is not ready and the house is decorated with my undies. Not because
I have written ‘don’t mess with me’ on my forehead but because he understands
the intricacy of parenting).
#3. The Ugly Truth: The baby bestows her love upon anybody who is quick
to meet her demands and disregards those who say NO to her. “The simplest toy,
one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent”, says
Sam Levenson. We all know what an incredible bond grand kids share with their
grandparents! However, this bond needs some fine-tuning. While grandparents
relive their childhood in the company of grand kids, I ask them to not just pamper
the child but give him a dose of their wisdom (I call it a legacy) at regular
intervals. Family members and relatives also need to beware of their growing
excitement for the newborn as new mothers go through tremendous hormonal
havoc and PPD (Post Partum Depression) after delivering the baby. Just how the mommie
provides comfort and a sense of security to her child, she also
needs it by being close to the baby. So, don’t snatch the newly hatched small wonder
from her. Allow them both to recover from this rather sweet melancholy by being
in each other’s warmth.
#4. Nightmares:
It’s amazing to see how a tiny, human look-alike creature turns your world
upside down. I have always liked my husband’s long, thick, black, noodle-like
hairstyle but I asked him to cut it because the baby would often give him a
suspicious look. “Help! My baby is drowning, she is in the middle of the road
with fast moving traffic, somebody kidnapped my baby, she is alone in the dark,
she is about to fall from a cliff, an alligator is gulping down my baby…
Help!!!” Nightmares took a toll on me for nearly one year after delivery and still
keep haunting like those stupid sequels and remakes of bollywood movies. I am
sure most of the mothers can relate to this, maybe we share some common nightmares
too. My father-in-law is a big fan of CRIME PATROL, a show on Sony TV that
features heinous crimes that take place in India. He would often tell me to be
very careful, get a camera fixed in the house and advise against travelling in
public transport. He would make my mom-in-law describe any latest episode to make his point very clear to me. And all I say is No
Objection, Milord! I am on ‘high alert’ since the day I have become a mother.
#5. Make Love, Not Babies: Two to three babies are a must. Your second
offspring is a gift to your first child. Don’t have sex for three months to
heal from the exhaustive birthing process. A 40-day stay at your mother’s house
is mandatory. One thing that you are going to hear for the next
sixty-seventy years of your life is, ‘do it for the sake of your children'. Who do you think will be responsible for our overall performance during the ICC T20 World Cup 2016? It’s your overwhelmed mothers and aunts and
of course you, if you don’t take charge of your game, now! Their intention
is as pure as pinni ke ladoo- laden
with desi ghee and dry-fruits. And this is also the time when you need your
mother the most. But you, my dear mommies, certainly have needs and longing to
be with your husband who is your baby’s daddy too. Don’t just feed your body
with maa ke haath ka khana. Rather
provide the nourishment it needs- of love and intimacy from your partner. And
don’t forget your BFF hormone Oxytocin, which might heal you faster than you
think.
Motherhood is a classic
example of ‘No Pain, No Gain’. For a mother, the whole world revolves around
her kids. She is forever attached to her child through an invisible umbilical
cord. And sometimes it becomes very difficult for her and the baby’s father to
deal with this overwhelming phase of life. I am a very protective mama too,
always on toes, doing something or the other for my daughter and never leaving
her side no matter what. So while I celebrate my motherhood, I also acknowledge
the fact that the father may not be physically present all the time. He may not
appear as excited. His ways around the baby may seem harsh but he is like
BATMAN- a silent guardian, a watchful protector who will always be there when
the need arises.
